Innocent
by inane reality
Summary: It all started out innocently enough. Rated M for sexual content and swearing.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** It all started out innocently enough.

**Rating: **M

**Timeline:** pre-series

**Disclaimer:** The Mentalist show and characters are the property of Bruno Heller, Primrose Hill Productions, Warner Bros. Television, CBS,…

**Author's Notes:** This is my first The Mentalist writing attempt. It's probably very OOC but the idea just wouldn't leave me. This is a one-shot but it could turn into a larger piece of writing, I don't know yet. For the moment I'm anxious about feedback, both positive and negative. Also, this is not beta-read and English is my third language.

Enjoy.

* * *

It all started out innocently enough. He had asked her if she wanted to go drink something with him after a case. It hadn't been a difficult case, not particularly demanding or tiring. It had been a mostly normal open and shut case.

Of course she had wanted to physically hurt him once or twice. He hadn't been particularly compassionate or understanding toward the family and friends of the victim. When was he ever? At least it hadn't ended up with her needing to sort out a lawsuit. For some unknown reason he had tried to behave himself a tiny bit. It made her hopeful.

It hadn't started because they were both drunk. For once, alcohol had nothing to do with it. He had taken a beer, she a glass of white wine. Nothing serious. Nothing bad enough to make her lose control and do crazy things.

The attraction had always been there, an undercurrent. They both felt it. It had been from the day they met, a little over six months ago. He was more in denial about it than her. She tried to hide it but knew it was futile. It had only been a matter of time before they acted on it.

He needed comfort; he always needed comfort. She had wanted release. They knew each other, were familiar with each other. It had been normal to turn to the other in such circumstances.

It was meaningless. It happened and that was the end of it.

It wasn't tender or loving but passionate and frenzied. She liked it that way. She was cool and calm in her professional life. Her personal life was messy and wild. He hadn't seemed to mind; in fact he had seemed to thrive on it. It flitted through her head that his wife had probably been soft and alluring. Probably nothing like her. She was hard and aggressive. Maybe that was why he chose her, because she was the exact opposite of his deceased wife. She didn't mind.

It wasn't about making love. Love had nothing to do with them. Love had nothing on them. Love between them was impossible and ridiculous.

She didn't care that he wore his wedding ring. It didn't brand her and it certainly didn't burn her when she felt the cold metal against her heated skin.

They didn't kiss and that was okay with her. For him it was too intimate. For her it wasn't necessary. This was about sex. This was about pleasure and release. This was about him being inside her.

They hadn't gone to her duplex or the apartment he rented. They had chosen a small little hotel not far from work and the bar they had come from. The room was small and tidy. A bed and a bathroom was all they needed anyway.

It hadn't been difficult for them to take the step and end up here, their sweaty bodies rocking together. It was all about a deep look and silent agreement.

He paid for the room and she brought the condoms. She was always prepared. She never knew when she was going to find someone who was willing to offer her release. She wasn't ashamed of herself for having one-night stands once or twice a month. Everyone had needs, including her. She had always been sexually liberated.

He came first. Most men came first. It was a fact that women took more time and patience to reach their peak. She didn't mind. When he collapsed onto her she simply took matters into her own hands, literally. She just reached between their bodies and pleasured herself. It took her a few minutes before she climaxed and it was heaven when it happened. He jerked when he felt her insides clamp down hard on his limp and satiated flesh. When she was done he gently pulled out of her and went into the bathroom to clean himself up.

She wasn't asleep when he came back. She had curled up on her side and had pulled the sheet over her post-orgasmic and damp body. She looked at him with lazy and dilated eyes. She didn't say a word when he joined her. She simply closed her eyes and fell into a dreamless sleep.

They didn't wake up tangled together. She never tended to snuggle and he didn't know how to sleep with another person anymore. They were both used to stay on their side of the bed.

He was dozing when she woke up, she could tell by his breathing pattern. She took her shower first and put on the clothes from the day before when he took care of his business in the bathroom. It was around 6 in the morning when they left the hotel without eating breakfast. She drove him to the CBI were his car was waiting for him before heading home to change and eat something.

When she came into work around 7.30 he was wearing another suit and drinking a cup of tea on his trusted couch. Warm coffee and a chocolate muffin were waiting for her on her desk. As she came to greet her team she simply smiled her thanks to him. The smile he gave her told her more than his words ever could.

It all started out innocently enough.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** The Mentalist show and characters are the property of Bruno Heller, Primrose Hill Productions, Warner Bros. Television, CBS,…

**Author's Notes:** Apparently all your kind reviews motivated me enough to write a second chapter so soon. I also want to thank my anonymous reviewers; your insights were welcome. This part is a bit more graphic, I hope it's not too much.

Enjoy.

* * *

The fourth time brought change.

The second and third times were a quasi-perfect replica of the first time. The only difference was the bar and the hotel. Every time they chose a different place to have a drink and have sex. She didn't know why. At least that's what she told herself.

In reality the reason was quite simple. Going to the same place every time meant that people started asking questions and tried to get to know more about their customers. She didn't want that. She wanted anonymity. She didn't want to be recognized. She simply wanted to have a drink with a coworker and end up in bed with him. It was nobody's business but her own.

People looked at them with disdain when they were together. It was no doubt because they noticed his wedding ring while her finger was obviously bare. It annoyed her. She had never understood why people always felt the need to judge and make up stories. Sometimes she wanted to blurt out that his wife was dead and that they just used each other for meaningless but great sex. She never did because she valued their privacy too much. She suspected that Jane knew how she felt about it, yet he never said a word.

She hated to admit that she started to like what they had. It was still wild and hard but they were slowly getting to know each other's bodies. What they liked and what made them moan and groan. It was a slow and sometimes difficult process. She knew that some of her moves reminded him of his wife. She saw it in his eyes. The look of sudden remembrance followed by pain, guilt and sorrow. Unconsciously her brain and body saved those moves so that she couldn't repeat them.

What they had. It sounded ridiculous. They had nothing. It wasn't a romantic relationship. It wasn't even friends with benefits. It was sex between coworkers. They hadn't become closer since that first time. They hadn't suddenly become friends. Friends saw each other outside of work; friends talked to each other about trivial and important things; friends were there for each other in times of need.

All they gained from those nights was a deeper understanding of themselves and the addictive need for release they both shared. It wasn't healthy nor was it destructive. It wasn't bad or wrong. It was cathartic and pleasurable. Like right now.

She moved over him with practiced ease, the muscles in her thighs twitching with the repetitive movement of her hips going up and down. She used her hands on his stomach for leverage. Her back arched when she felt his fingers pinch her nipples. Her internal muscles squeezed him like a vice and she could feel his penis getting larger inside of her. He was close and that was incentive enough to move more rapidly. Her satisfaction was deep when she felt him coming. His cock was pulsing and his body tensed. She continued her rhythmic up and down, trying to prolong his pleasure. It gave her a thrill to milk her partner for all that he had. It made her feel powerful; like a goddess.

She could feel him starting to relax after a few minutes and she collapsed onto him, exhausted. She hadn't come but her energy had left her. She felt drained and limp. They stayed like that until their heartbeats slowed down. He carefully lifted her and laid her down next to him so that he could go into the bathroom for his cleaning ritual.

For once her eyes were closed when he came back, she was on the edge of falling into a deep sleep. The bed dipped under his weight when he joined her. She felt him move closer to her and was going to ask him what he wanted when his fingers touched her stomach. Her eyes flew open in shock. She couldn't move as his hand slowly traveled downward. She kept her gaze fixed to the ceiling as she spread her legs and let him pleasure her.

Her orgasm came hard and fast. When she became aware of her surroundings again he was lying on his side of the bed with his eyes closed. She didn't say anything, her thoughts a jumbled mess. Why had he done that? Normally she was the one to take care of herself. He had never tried to do that before. She always thought he liked to watch and feel.

She didn't understand what this meant. Did he want to repay her? Did he do it because he felt inadequate that he never got her off before himself? Was it a sign of wanting more intimacy? She didn't know. All she knew was that she was too afraid to ask him. Too afraid of what his answer would be. She thought they had been clear with each other when they silently agreed on sex only? She couldn't deal with more than that. More meant that they had to become closer. She didn't want that. She wanted meaningless sex. She was happy and content with it. Why did he always have to complicate things?

Oh God. This meant they had to talk about it. They never talked about their arrangement, another silent agreement. It all happened in their silence. They used silence as a refuge, trying to ignore it was really happening. They never talked, be it during or after sex. Maybe it was time they did?

Confused and full of questions she finally fell into a restless sleep.

The morning after was like the others. They showered, dressed, drove back to work and didn't mention what happened. She went home and when she came back her habitual coffee and muffin were waiting for her on her desk. For the first time she was hesitant to go greet her team and smile her thanks. After a pointless internal debate she squared her shoulders and decided to bite the dust. Her smile froze when she noticed the empty couch.

The fourth time brought change. She didn't like it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** The Mentalist show and characters are the property of Bruno Heller, Primrose Hill Productions, Warner Bros. Television, CBS,…

**Author's Notes:** All your reviews had me grinning like an idiot all day. I take this opportunity to thank you all again for your insight and motivation. This chapter has been difficult to write; obviously dialogue is not my strong point. I'm not really sure about this but I've done enough tweaking. I hope you like it either way. Beware of swearing.

Enjoy.

* * *

Their fifth meeting was all talk and no sex.

Had she known she would have forgone her glass of white wine and gone straight to the motel they had chosen. Yes, she picked sex over talking and sharing feelings any day. In the end he was the one to start the conversation. He always surprised her like that; it was another of his traits that she didn't really appreciate.

Subconsciously she knew they should have talked directly after last time. But she had been scared and always pushed it for later until she almost forgot about it. Now here they were.

"I know you've been having questions about last time." His voice was soft but his eyes were trained on his beer bottle. She could almost pretend he hadn't spoken.

"Jane… "

"I think we need to talk."

"I don't," she faltered, "I don't know what to say."

"You know what you want to say, you're just afraid." There was a tinge of anger in his voice. Why was he angry with her? She hadn't been the one to ask for more. He had done that on his own.

"Why are you angry with me? I didn't ask anything from you." It was an angry whisper. She didn't want to do this here. She didn't want to do this, period. She was sure she was going to lose her control at some point and she didn't want any witnesses.

"I'm angry at the situation." Of course he would be the one to remain calm and matter of fact. She hated it.

"We shouldn't do this here. Come on, let's go." She stood up and put on her jacket. She fished a bill out of her jeans pocket and gave it to the bartender, mentioning it was for both of them. She was ready to turn around and leave when she noted he hadn't moved. "Fine, whatever. Stay if you want to, I don't care."

"You care. Don't pretend otherwise, you always do." He was smug, like he knew more about her than she ever would. He probably did. The nerve of the man.

She glared at him, huffed, turned on her heels and left. She would show him. She was almost at her SUV when someone roughly grabbed her by the arm. She bit her lip to refrain from screaming and was going to defend herself when she saw the blonde curls and three-piece suit. His body was close and his face dark. "What the… ?"

"Don't you walk away from me," he hissed at her, "don't you leave me like this."

"Jane, let me go." Her voice was enough to make him realize what he was doing. He let her go as if the leather was burning him and took a step back for good measure.

She stared at him while he tried to put his mask back together. It seemed they were going to have to talk now, whether she liked it or not. She admitted a dark, deserted parking lot wasn't a better place but at least they didn't have an audience.

He took a deep breath, "you shouldn't keep it all bottled up inside. You know we have to talk; we can't let things get bad between us. It wouldn't be beneficial for our working relationship."

For some reason the mention of work made her even angrier.

"Don't you think I know that? Don't you fucking think I know that?" His eyes widened at her use of profanity. "You want to talk? Let's talk then! Why do you think we have been doing this? I don't want you to feel or care for me. Why do you think I chose you? For your good looks?" She let out a hollow laugh. "Jane, it's because you're a safe bet. You're the only person I know who could do this and wouldn't want more. At least that's what I thought." She shrugged helplessly, still seething inside. What now?

"Of course I don't want more! I did what I did because you deserve it. You deserve to be taken care of. You always do for others and never expect anything back in return, always so hell-bent on controlling everything. You should let go once in a while. Let me do this one thing I can for you, my way of repaying you for what you're putting yourself through." His eyes were pleading with her to understand. To accept his reasoning.

"I'm not putting myself through anything." She stared at him in defiance.

"Oh please, Lisbon, you're doing this to punish yourself. I haven't figured out why though. Tell me, why do you do this? Huh? Misplaced sense of guilt? Afraid to get hurt if you get too involved so you chose the only man who is as emotionally unavailable as can be? Or maybe you were abused as a kid and it fucked you up so bad you think you're unworthy of love and affection?" His voice held disdain and contempt. He would have continued with his tirade if it weren't for the way she flinched at the last remark. Oh. Damn.

He immediately felt sorry. He hadn't wanted to hurt her. He just wanted her to open up to him, to tell him things. He had pushed and gone too far.

"I'm sorry," he said lamely.

She looked away, "it's okay."

"No, no. I didn't mean to... "

"Drop it." Her sharp voice interrupted him. The cold glare convinced him to let it go. For now.

They looked at each other for what seemed like hours, not knowing what to do. It was as if they were miles apart although, in reality, mere centimeters separated them. The expression in her eyes clearly told him how upset she was. He could only stand there and look at her with his sorrow filled eyes. Sorrow for her, for them, for the situation. For everything that had gone wrong in his life.

"Are we okay?" He seemed uncertain, his body rocking from one foot to the other. He reminded her of a little boy that had done something wrong. It wasn't far from the truth.

She was rigid before him, her stand defensive. She was confused and upset. She should just walk away and let him drown in his self-pity. She couldn't do it though, couldn't leave him like this. She used to be stronger than this, damn it. Used to let nothing and no one past her defenses. Until he came into her life, until Minelli had the wonderful idea to put this broken and troubled man into her trusted hands. Now here she stood. Unable to make a decision, unable to leave, unable to move.

She made the mistake to look into his eyes and understood what her heart had known all along. She couldn't leave him. So she stayed.

"We continue what we've been doing so well." Her lips stretched into a small smile. He grinned back, that beautiful smile that lighted up his whole face. The smile that made you want to grin like an idiot in return. She managed to hold back, had had a lot of practice in that department over the last few months.

"On one condition." Her gut twisted in anticipation. What was he going to ask of her now? That she use his given name? "Let me be an equal. It would mean a lot to me."

She looked at him, unsure if it was a wise idea.

"Please," he begged, "it won't mean anything more. Just pleasure."

"I don't know if…" She trailed off, not knowing what to say. How to explain her fears and apprehensions.

"Lisbon, I know you don't want more. Like we mentioned before I don't want more either. This doesn't mean we shouldn't experience equal pleasure, shouldn't both give and take."

His eyes were honest and really, his explanation seemed logical. It didn't mean anything. This was just about sex. She could deal with that.

"Okay. I guess."

She didn't have the time to react before he was hugging her tightly to his familiar and strong body. She was too surprised to respond, her arms hanging uselessly by her sides. Only one thought kept running through her head.

She gave into him. She always gave into him. She could only hope this wouldn't end up in a disaster for both of them.

She tentatively hugged him back.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** The Mentalist show and characters are the property of Bruno Heller, Primrose Hill Productions, Warner Bros. Television, CBS,…

**Author's Notes:** Again, thank you to all my reviewers. You brighten up my miserable life. I had a lot of difficulties with this chapter, mainly because I wanted something lighter and happier. Apparently dark and twisty is more my stuff. Anyway, I hope this doesn't come off as completely ridiculous and out of nowhere compared to the previous chapters. I promise to get into angst mode soon.

Enjoy.

* * *

She should have never agreed to his condition.

At first it was nice and different. Their encounters were still wild and passionate but stopped being hurried. They took more time now, more time to please each other. The more they felt at ease with each other as time progressed, the more they experimented. Sometimes they had more fun, sometimes it wasn't as intense as it used to be. When they were both in a good mood - which, surprisingly enough, always happened at the same time – they even went at it twice in one night.

They never upgraded to the kissing part, both thinking it to be too intimate. They knew that what they did was intimate but kissing seemed to bring everything to another level. Kissing was about expressing your love to someone. Something they did not have for each other.

They did start to talk to each other. It was never about meaningful, life-altering stuff; they painfully stayed clear of that path. Instead they picked the mundane and trivial. Sometimes Jane would observe the other occupants of wherever they ended up and make up their life stories. Afterward Jane often challenged her to go find out if he was right or not. She never did, not wanting to spoil the illusion. Not wanting to spoil the fun. He certainly made for good entertainment. She was happy as long as he was focused on everyone but her. He made her laugh and that was enough. When that happened he always looked at her with a glint in his eyes she couldn't define. She pretended not to see it and didn't think too much of it.

The talking didn't stop there, it continued in the room they shared. They cautiously started to express what they liked in language, not always needing to steer the other in the right direction by hands or eyes. Lisbon found it to be exhilarating. It had been a long time since someone really cared enough to give her pleasure. It was very freeing. Jane, for his part, liked that Lisbon seemed to be so open about her needs. He was a student of her body. By nature he liked to know and learn about everything. He could admit to himself that she was his favorite subject to study.

Of course it went both ways. Lisbon was a good lover but had obviously never had lots of opportunities to really take her time in the department. All her sexual encounters had always been hard and fast. When it was done, it was done. She unashamedly took this chance to learn more about Jane. She enjoyed the feeling. Long it may last.

What bothered her was that she was starting to look forward to their time together. That was bad, so very very bad. This was exactly what she feared. That she started to like him, started to like spending time with him. She didn't know if he felt the same way, if he had noticed that they seemed to get along better now. Jane, with his keen observation skills, must know. If she dared to say so she was sure even Cho and Rigsby could tell. She wondered why he hadn't said anything yet. It wasn't his nature to let sleeping dogs lie.

Like always she tried to rationalize. They had been doing this for six months now. Maybe they were bound to develop certain 'affections' toward each other? Especially since they spend so much time together at work. Maybe she should just grow a backbone and confront Jane. Yes, she may not like it but maybe it was just what he was waiting for. That she was the one to take the first step.

Besides, she had to know exactly what was happening between them. Had to know if they were getting too close and if she had to end it. Tonight, they would talk tonight.

For once she was the one to pick up Jane from his couch, not the other way around. That enough should have told him something was off. It had been her luck that there had been no case to keep her thoughts occupied. It had been her idea to never do this while they had an open case. She was too afraid to mix her professional life into this, especially since Jane was her coworker. It would be too easy and tempting to start talking work and she didn't want that. This was completely independent to their work life.

She was impatient to get this over with so she drove them to the closest hotel to the CBI HQ. She wanted to be sober and in a place where they could be totally alone. No interruptions and distractions. They had already gone there once but she didn't care. She only had one thing in mind. Get this over with as soon as possible.

She quickly took care of their reservation, took the key and left without further ado. Jane followed her like a lost puppy. Not once did he take his eyes off of her. He didn't seem confused. He seemed content enough to follow her lead this time. He must have known she wanted to talk before she even started to give a voice to her fears in her mind. Jerk.

Her brain had worked itself into a frenzy when they finally reached their destination. She threw her purse and jacket on the bed and faced him, intent to give him a piece of her mind. Suddenly her throat was dry and she didn't remember what she needed to say. Jane simply looked at her with amusement. It irked her. Here she was trying to be serious and he was looking at her like he thought she was the funniest thing he had ever seen. Annoying son of a bitch.

He didn't say anything, he didn't move, he didn't do anything. He mirrored her stand and just watched her. His eyes prompted her to go ahead.

Lisbon took a deep breath, "I can't do this anymore."

"Do what?" He was giving her his full-blown grin. She wanted to slap it off his face. She restrained herself only because she knew it would only amuse him further.

"This _thing_ between us," she wildly gestured to the two of them, "it's getting out of hand."

"Lisbon. What gave you that idea?" His grin had turned into a small indulgent smile and he frowned a bit.

"You. Me. The guys. Work. I don't know. It's driving me crazy. What exactly do you want from me?" The end of her patience was getting near. He was always pushing the right buttons. It was driving her slowly insane. He drove her slowly insane.

"I want to be your friend." His voice was so matter of fact she almost felt stupid for asking him.

"What? Why?" She was floored. He wanted to be her friend?

"Because I like spending time with you." He almost made it sound like a question, like it was so obvious he wasn't even sure anymore.

She should have known he had noticed. Why the hell hadn't he mentioned anything before? She rolled her eyes. Of course, in a typical Jane manner he wanted _her_ to confront _him_. She shouldn't have doubted herself for at least knowing that much about him. He had the patient of an angel for such things.

"Friends can't have sex together." Good point. She was proud of herself. This would show him.

"Of course they can. Never heard of the term 'fuck buddy' before?" He was laughing. It was so unexpected. He had never laughed like that before. It was a sight to behold. It actually made her happy. She rolled her eyes again before granting him a little smile.

"Of course I have. I just never thought you would want to be… friends." The last word came out slowly, unsure of how she felt about it. Them being friends made everything more difficult.

"Believe me, it wasn't planned. Listen Lisbon; I have been enjoying our time together a lot. You're good company and I think we get along great. It seems only logical to do a little upgrade." He was genuine; she could see it in his eyes.

"I know. I felt it too. This makes things so much harder." She hated the note of desperation in her voice.

"It doesn't have to. We continue what we started. It only means we now have the right to spend time together without having sex."

"I like the sound of that." She nodded. It seemed innocent enough, right?

"Plus think about it; now we can label ourselves as 'fuck buddies' if anyone asks. Calling it 'thing' was getting annoying." His pretty grin was back.

She playfully slapped him, "that's not funny." Though the real smile on her lips betrayed her.

Without warning he picked her up and threw her on the bed. "Now, let's get on to more serious business my dear."

They were both smiling when they slowly undressed each other. Thoughts about friendship and difficulties left her mind when she felt his sensual caress on her breasts.

She sighed happily. She didn't know why but she couldn't let go of him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** The Mentalist show and characters are the property of Bruno Heller, Primrose Hill Productions, Warner Bros. Television, CBS,…

**Author's Notes:** A big thank you to all my reviewers. It is truly appreciated, from the bottom of my heart. You don't know how much you motivate me.

This chapter we're going into season 1 territory, the pilot to be precise. There are several reasons for that. For one I needed a Red John case (my brain took the easy road, it didn't want to make up a whole Red John case up for 1 chapter). Another reason is that, in my mind, Jane has been with the team from 1 year to 18 months before the pilot. This is perfect timing.

This doesn't mean that I'm going to follow every episode; it certainly won't become a 'missing scenes' fic. I am doing this just so we know where we actually stand in the timeline.

Last but not least, sorry for such a long wait but my iPod ate the beginning of this chapter and it really annoyed me to rewrite it. I also don't know if I'll have the time to update next week. Maybe Wednesday.

In the meantime I hope you like this slightly angsty and rather steamy chapter. Yes, this chapter completely had a mind of its own.

Enjoy.

* * *

She should have never let him in.

Jane had disappeared after they had solved the Red John case that ended up being a copycat. Just like Jane had predicted. The last she had seen of him was when he gave her the origami frog. The team had eaten the sorry-for-making-you-angry-but-I-did-solve-the-case-donuts Jane had brought them after clearing up their stuff from their temporary office. Afterward she had told them to go back to the hotel. They had decided to stay one more night before flying back to Sacramento. Everyone was tired and deserved a good night of sleep.

She had stayed to finish the most important paperwork on the case. She had noticed Jane's absence but hadn't been worried. She understood he needed some time alone, anyone would in his place.

She was exhausted when she got back to the hotel but decided to try Jane's door before turning in. She knocked but he didn't answer. Maybe he was asleep? Not probable, the man was a bit of an insomniac. Certainly on Red John cases. He always seemed to be high on adrenaline when those came around. It worried her but she knew she couldn't do anything about it. That was something he had to work out on his own. That left her two options. He was either away or purposefully ignoring her. The second choice made her feel weird inside. She didn't like it.

Shrugging her shoulders she decided to let it be. She would see him tomorrow morning. When she entered her room she tiredly kicked off her shoes and undressed herself, not caring where her clothing ended up. She found her pajamas on her bed and headed to the bathroom to take a quick shower. She was tense and in her book there was nothing better than a hot shower to relax. It also guaranteed her a good night of sleep. When she was done she dried herself, brushed her teeth and put on her pajamas. Finally she let herself fall on her bed. Her body was pulled into a deep sleep mere second after her head hit the pillow.

* * *

The knocking on her door woke her up. She checked the hour, 2AM. She groaned; 3 hours of sleep wasn't nearly enough to make up for the last few days. Maybe whoever was knocking would give up if she didn't answer? Knock knock. Or not. Annoyed she dragged her body out of the warm cocoon that was her bed. She checked the peephole and wasn't surprised to see Jane. She didn't want to deal with him right now. She quickly dismissed that thought; it was quite hypocritical to think so after she herself had wanted him to open the door had he been there.

He was going to knock again when she opened the door and quickly pulled him inside her room. She didn't want to risk anyone seeing him at her door at such an hour. The risk was minimal but she wasn't in the mood to tempt her luck right now.

She was going to ask him what he wanted when he moved toward her with a determined look on his face. His body pressed hers against the door as he took her face in his hands and his mouth descended upon hers.

She was too shocked to respond. They had never done that before, never gone that far. It was like an unspoken rule between them. No kissing allowed.

He obviously took note of her unresponsiveness and distress because he quickly pulled back and whispered a simple, "It's okay," against her lips. His eyes convinced her, they were pleading and desperate. How could she say no? How could she say no to the man she was so intimately connected with?

She gave an almost imperceptible nod and he was kissing her again. Without hesitation she responded back with fervor, putting her arms around his neck. Slowly their lips parted and their tongues tangled together. She moaned and closed her eyes, loving the taste of him. It was intoxicating, just like he was.

The kiss was passionate and wild and it reminded her of the first time they had sex together. They only parted when breathing became a necessity. They panted harshly and could feel their hearts beating rapidly. Only millimeters separated them and their warm breaths were mingling together. She slowly opened her eyes and they locked onto his. Their gaze spoke volumes without words. They didn't regret it but there was no turning back now. It had been unexpected but both had wanted it and known the consequences it would bring. They would think about those later. Right now they were going to enjoy this newfound freedom.

He began trailing kisses over her cheeks, eyes, forehead, mouth; slowly descending to the pulse point on her neck to gently suck and nip at. Her back arched and she trust her groin into his. She could feel him getting hard. Her hands gently trailed toward the front of his pants to open them but his hands intercepted hers before she could reach her goal. He held them above her head before kissing her again. This time it was slower but still passionate. They slowly explored each other's mouths; tongues skimming past lips, teeth and palate. She quickly understood he liked to lead and dominate while kissing. Most of the time he was happy to follow her lead so the change was nice and refreshing. She let him, content to let him lead for once. It helped that the man was an amazing and thorough kisser.

After a while he let her arms go and effortlessly took her into his arms. Surprised she wound her arms around his neck and her legs did the same to his waist. They continued to kiss while he led her towards the bed in the center of the room. She gasped when he let go of her and she tumbled onto the bed. She hadn't been holding him tightly enough, not anticipating his move. She moved backwards, intent on making place for him. He looked at her with lust filled eyes and slowly began to undress. She didn't say anything, not wanting to ruin the moment. Tonight he was the one in charge.

Piece by piece his suit joined her clothes on the floor. Lisbon avidly watched his every move, she didn't want to miss a single thing. The sight was erotic and her arousal was getting higher. He was going to kill her. Despite the slow progress of his little impromptu spectacle there was nothing teasing about his demeanor. He seemed intense and determined. He was slightly frightening, like a predator. She shivered in anticipation.

After what seemed like an eternity he finally let go of the last and most important piece of clothing, his boxers. There he stood in all his glory. The golden hair, wide shoulders, muscular if slightly rounded stomach and strong legs. His arousal was also a sight to behold, pulsing with need and straining against his stomach. She clenched her thighs together.

He joined her on the bed and pulled her legs toward him. She fell flat on her back while he kneeled over her, one leg at both side of her hips. She wondered what he was up to when she felt his hands skim over her stomach. A groan escaped her lips; she hated the feeling of cotton between them. All she wanted was to feel his naked flesh against hers.

He found the bottom button of the pajama shirt she was wearing and opened it. He leaned toward the newly exposed flesh and put an open mouthed kiss on her tummy pouch. At the next button it was her belly button that received the same treatment. He undid them one by one, up to her throat. She always got a brush of his lips in return.

Next he pushed the material of her shoulders, revealing her breasts to his hungry gaze. He continued with the discovery of her body. Not that she was complaining but, apparently, her breasts and nipples had earned a right for more attention. Her hard nipples were proof that she liked it very much.

After worshipping her upper body for what seemed like an eternity he decided that he wanted more and unceremoniously pulled off her pajama pants and panties. She helped him by lifting her hips before spreading her legs around his kneeling form. She was wet and the trimmed hair of her mound was glistering. All this foreplay and his little show of masculinity had aroused her like crazy.

The sight of Teresa Lisbon open and bare before him broke Jane's self-restrain. He tested her readiness with two fingers, put on the condom he had taken with him and positioned his weeping member at her entrance. Without further warning he imbedded himself deeply inside of her. She let out a little yelp, not having been prepared for his rough penetration. Normally they always did that part slowly.

He could feel her internal muscles fluttering around him, trying to accommodate his size. The feeling only intensified his need for her more and he started to pull out of her just to ram back in a second later. He continued this heavy cadence while she could only wrap her limbs around his waist. The movement changed the penetration angle and his erection went in even deeper on the next trust.

She let her arms roam his back and over his ass, squeezing the flexing flesh from time to time. His face was buried in her neck, his tongue licking the salty sweat away. She moaned at the sensation and he doubled his efforts. She actively met him trust for trust even if it was clear he was the one controlling the peace.

Their chests were crushed together, the fine chest hairs scratching at the sensitive skin of her breast and nipples. It made her clench around him.

Her increasing tightness made him groan as he continued his incessant in and out. He completely lost control and unknowingly started whispering words into her neck.

"Please, please don't leave me." With each word he trust violently into her. She gasped and held onto his shoulders. He had never been so driven before.

He could feel his orgasm approaching and without breaking his rhythm he put a hand between their bodies and started rubbing the bundle of nerves above where their bodies were joined.

As his climax rushed through his body he pinched her nub and all the sensations put together was enough to make Lisbon come explosively around him. He was jerking and straining while her body arched and clenched viciously around his pulsing member.

He bit her shoulder to stop the scream bubbling up his chest. Her mouth opened in a silent cry.

When it was over he released her shoulder and collapsed boneless onto her. He was heavy but neither had the strength to move. She was slowly starting to come to her senses when she realized two things. One, there was something wet trailing down her neck and two, he was whispering something into her ear. The first made her body jolt with the sudden realization that he was crying. The second made her body tense and the blood in her veins turn cold. She could distinctly hear what he was saying. I need you. I need you. I need you. Over and over again.

With strength she didn't know she still possessed after such exertion she roughly pushed him off of her. They both winced when his tender flesh left hers. His red and puffy eyes looked at her in confusion. He didn't understand the sudden movement. It conflicted with how good he had been feeling a second earlier. His brain scrambled for an answer. He hadn't done anything wrong, had he? He could just watch on helplessly as she hurriedly put her clothes back on. Her eyes avoided his; her attention solely focused on putting herself and her appearance back together. He frowned, what was happening?

When she was done she simply stated, "Remember to get back to your own room by morning, I don't want to have to explain this to the team."

The door closed without a sound. Behind she left a naked Patrick Jane with a clueless expression on his face. It was only then that he noticed he had been crying.

* * *

She spent the rest of the night driving aimlessly around. She had nothing else to do - her room was taken – and it had always helped to calm her down and put her thoughts in a semblance of order. She did a lot of thinking but she came up with nothing for why she had felt the urge to leave like that. She had followed her instinct and it had told her to run. She was as clueless as him. Her frustration only escalated so she decided to head back, hoping he had left already. She didn't have the energy to face him right now.

When she came back her room was empty. The only evidence left behind were the rumpled sheets.

She lay down and was going to give into an exhausted sleep for the next two hours when her eyes flew open. She finally understood what had bothered her so much about those words. Actually the kiss alone should have clued her in. She knew something had been wrong from the beginning.

In reality it wasn't so much that Jane had said those words to her; it was that _she_ felt the same way. She needed him and she needed him to need her.

Slowly but surely he had wormed his way into her heart; she didn't know if she wanted him out.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** The Mentalist show and characters are the property of Bruno Heller, Primrose Hill Productions, Warner Bros. Television, CBS,…

**Author's Notes: **I'm really sorry for such a long wait. I know it's unacceptable but my life has been hectic. Also, every time I had time to write I just couldn't find the inspiration. I did work on a few other stories though, shame.

I finally finished this chapter as a Christmas present. I thought you guys really deserved it! Also, Jane totally took a mind of his own in this chapter.

Last I want to thank all my reviewers and the ones who put me on their alerts and/or favorites. A special thanks to those who have pushed me in the right direction by multiple times reminding me of this story!

Enjoy.

* * *

No man had ever made her cry. That was until she met Patrick Jane.

The return back home had been fraught with tension. It was obvious to everyone that Lisbon and Jane were at odds with each other. The rest of the team secretly hoped that their boss and consultant would sort out their issues soon because it made them all uneasy.

For now they would let it be. Hopefully it would be over in a few days. Otherwise someone, probably Cho, would have to intervene. They all kept their fingers crossed that it wouldn't have to come to that.

* * *

Lisbon knew they needed to talk, she knew they needed to make everything clear between them again. This time it had gone too far. She was angry with Jane for creating this mess. Rationally she knew it wasn't his fault; he had never forced her, had always given her the choice to back out if she wanted. In reality she was angry with herself for allowing it to go that far. Why hadn't she been able to say no to him? Why was she never able to say no to him? Damn him and his sad eyes and damn her and her need to fix everything broken.

From the start she had vowed to herself never to have sex with him when it concerned Red John or his dead wife and daughter. It had always been about letting go of the stress their daily life brought them. It had never been her intention to comfort him or make him forget. She had been there before, had tried to comfort a man who wanted to forget about his wife and children. Somehow it felt worse to try and compete with ghosts. It made her feel cheap. She was no replacement for anyone. Not for her mother and certainly not for a wife, alive or dead.

She had been foolish to think that they could go on like this forever. His need to find Red John and his grief were too much a part of him. It was stupid to think that it would never come between them. She had always known what would happen once it became an issue. Yes, she knew what she had to do and she wasn't looking forward to it.

* * *

Minelli had given them two days off when they came back. Everyone had looked on edge, particularly Lisbon and Jane. He wanted a team in top condition, not on the verge of a breakdown. It also gave everyone the opportunity to take a step back and sort out his or her issues.

Lisbon had taken the chance to relax and really think about everything that had happened in the last few days. She only had to talk to Jane now, preferably on neutral ground. That automatically ruled out both their places. In her opinion a bar was too crowded and a hotel room too impersonal. Her mind could only name one reasonable location. Maybe it wasn't completely neutral but it was the only idea she could come up with.

She dreaded what the day would bring.

* * *

She had decided to postpone their talk until it was late and almost everyone had left the building. That way there was less chance of them being seen or overheard. Also, if it ended badly (which would probably happen) she preferred to be able for either of them to be free to leave without having to explain anything. That way they could both do some thinking overnight and put on their mask again the next day. Perfect plan. She should have known perfect never worked well with Jane.

* * *

She had been straightening her desk for the last fifteen minutes before she could convince herself to walk over to his couch to tell him they needed to talk. His was lying prone with his eyes close. He didn't show any reaction of having heard her but she knew he was awake and listening to every word. She asked him to come with her before walking towards the elevator without looking back. He would follow her, she was sure. Lisbon pushed the button and waited for the telltale sound telling her the elevator was there. She could feel Jane at her back, close by; his body heat was searing her skin. Finally they could both squeeze into the metal box that would bring them to the attics of the CBI. It didn't take her long to bring them into the little dusty room with the metal sliding door. It was very stuffy, barely illuminated by a sad looking lamp hanging by a thread and old stuff was lying around but no one could ignore the beautiful view it offered. It was almost calming and it gave the feeling of being miles away. Like a bubble.

They both contemplated the illuminated city of Sacramento before Lisbon took a deep breath, giving herself the courage she needed to start this conversation.

"We can't continue like this."

Jane stood there. He didn't move or uttered a single word.

She started again, "we can't continue like this. We have to stop this… whatever we have."

"No," his voice was strong and his eyes were serious as he turned to look at her, "no."

"What? There's no, no; we have to stop this relationship," she winced on the last word but didn't give up, "right now." She had known he wouldn't agree easily but apparently he wanted to make this harder than need be.

"I'm telling you. No. I don't want to give you up. You can't make me." He was going to show her stubborn. For once in her life she wasn't going to be the one taking decisions and making choices. He wouldn't let her.

"You can't make me continue with this farce." She couldn't believe what she was hearing. How dare he refuse her? How dare he not let her go? Inconsiderate bastard!

"I can and I will. You, darling Lisbon, are going to continue meeting me in seedy bars before we have sex in a crappy motel room. I'm doing you a favor by refusing your will. Deep down you don't want to give this up and I'm not going to let you take the easy way out. So, save us both the trouble and stop arguing with me about this." He was deadly serious, she could hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes. He wasn't infuriating her on purpose. He was simply stating the facts like the little know-it-all he was. He couldn't care less if she was agreeing to his terms or not. If he had anything to say about it she would continue to see him and give him comfort.

"What the hell? Are you crazy? I don't want to see you outside of work anymore. I don't want to have sex with you anymore. I don't want this anymore!" Lisbon was beyond furious; she was enraged. How dare he? She was her own woman and she had decided to end this! She was putting an end to this tonight.

"I'm not crazy, I'm realistic. We both know I'm right. There's nothing you can do about it." Her stubbornness to acknowledge the truth was starting to work on his nerves. Why couldn't she see what he saw? That he cared about her, that he wasn't just using her? He thought the kiss had been enough to convince her. It had been his way to tell her he wanted more than just her body. He wanted to share more with her, start something with her. He might never be able to have a real relationship with another woman but he was doing his best to move forward, with her. In his mind she was the only one worth the effort. Why couldn't she see that? Why couldn't she understand that he was really trying?

"Stop talking like that! Argh! You… you infuriate me. You're infuriating, you know that?" Lisbon wanted to scream out of frustration, no one had ever been able to frustrate her like him. He made her want to tear her hair out, or better yet, bang her head against the wall.

She tried again, "why won't you see that we're making a mistake? That what we're doing is wrong. That is doesn't mean anything?"

Apparently she had said the wrong thing because Jane approached her like a tiger ready to attack his prey. He grabbed her upper arms and walked her backwards until she hit the wall. His eyes were as dark as a stormy sea as he hissed, "wrong? You're wrong if you think this doesn't mean anything. You're wrong if you think we're making a mistake. Why can't you see that I care for you and that I'm trying my best to move on, damn it? You are wrong."

He was panting hard as he finished his tirade, his face mere inches from hers. Before he could control himself he was kissing her like a man possessed. His desire and passion were obvious in the way he pushed his body against her, his hands on her cheeks tilting her head the right way so he could plunder her mouth with his tongue. It took a few seconds before Lisbon gave into him, giving back as good as she got. She wound her arms around his neck as they continued to kiss for what seemed like an eternity. Slowly the languorous kiss turned into smaller pecks over lips, face and neck before they parted completely. Lisbon fingers were playing with the blonde curls at the nape of his neck as his were caressing her cheeks.

Jane was looking deep into her jade colored eyes, "do you understand now?"

She simply nodded, unable to form words through the lump in her throat.

"Good." He grinned at her, pleased with himself.

"Yes." Her voice was husky and it was sexy as hell. It made him want her even more.

"Bring me home?" He blurted it out before he could stop himself. He knew it was a lot to ask but he had to try. Lisbon was a woman you had to push a little bit if you wanted any results.

Her answering look was deep and searching before she nodded and took his hand in hers. They left the attic and went to her office so she could grab her bag and vest before heading to her car. Their fingers were still intertwined as the car drove off into the night.

* * *

They were into her bed, their legs tangled together into her purple cotton sheets. She was wide-awake as Jane lay curled around her, his head in the crook of her neck and his arm tight around her waist. His breath was warm and comforting. She was happy at least one of them seemed to be able to sleep.

Lisbon, on the other hand, was unable to close her eyes. She wasn't used to someone cuddling her in bed and there were way too many thoughts dancing around in her mind.

Tonight was a big step, a huge step even. So far this had been the most intimate they had ever been, for tonight they had made mad, passionate love together. She had loved it, the way they had connected mind, body and soul. She remembered his eyes shining with something close to love as he was moving in and above her. She also remembered the way she clung to him with sheer abandon. For once she had completely let herself go. Unlike a few nights ago it had been slow and tender. Jane had worshipped her body from beginning to end, wanting to show her in the most physical way how deep he truly felt about her.

His openness had moved her and she felt like her whole world had shifted. Right now she was freaking out about what this meant for them and for the team. This wouldn't only change their relationship but their whole world. How was she supposed to act around him from now on, what was she supposed to do or say? She was confused and she really needed to talk to Jane but she daren't wake him up when he was sleeping like a baby in her arms.

She sighed, maybe she should let it go for now and try to sleep before she appeared like a zombie at work tomorrow? Maybe bright daylight would bring all the answers? Maybe she just really needed to talk to Patrick? She was sure he had it all figured it out. She certainly hoped so because she hated being clueless and in the dark.

She sighed again before she shifted her body and burrowed into Jane. He moaned lightly before accommodating his body to hers and settling down again.

She smiled at how adorable he looked before closing her eyes and letting sleep take over.

No man had ever made her cry. Apparently now wasn't the time to start, even with Patrick Jane in her life.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** The Mentalist show and characters are the property of Bruno Heller, Primrose Hill Productions, Warner Bros. Television, CBS,…

**Author's Note: **I'm on a roll! I should study but this story won't let me. I don't think this chapter is really interesting but it was necessary for the rest of the story. A special thank you to all my reviewers and those who put me on alerts or as favorite.

Also, I wish you all a Happy New Year!

Enjoy.

* * *

She made a choice. The one to be there for him. To believe in him. She can't back down now.

In the end Lisbon did show up to work looking like a zombie. It had been Jane's fault. The culprit had decided to wake her up with his wandering hands a mere two hours after she had fallen asleep. Apparently he couldn't get enough of her. Not the she complained. The man was an excellent lover but that didn't mean he could show her exactly how good he was whenever he pleased. She liked morning sex as much as the next person but she liked sleep just as much. At least he had more than made up for it. She had felt the need to be clear afterwards, about him not being allowed to be this loving every single morning. Otherwise he could visit her couch for all she cared.

They also didn't get an opportunity to talk about their newfound relationship because all their fooling around had almost made them late for work. With a dreamy smile she thought about Jane's ingenuity of saving time and water by taking a shower together. Even though she wasn't quite sure they really managed to save both. Jane and his wandering hands again. Why was she even surprised anymore, she knew he was the master of being sneaky.

They had had no choice but to come into work together. Luckily they had been quite early so there hadn't been many people present. In that sense she was happy people were used to see Jane's car in the lot at all hours. Everyone knew the man ended up sleeping in the CBI more than was healthy. Although she supposed that was going to change now that they were trying to make it work. Or were they really trying? She still didn't know what they were doing. She really needed to talk to Jane soon.

* * *

The day also brought a new case; making it almost impossible for Lisbon and Jane to have a moment to themselves. The team had already left the office while he was napping on his couch. Lisbon was still working on paperwork in her office.

It was getting late and while he wished he could talk to Lisbon he knew he had to get home to change into a new suit before the team got suspicious about him wearing the same one for three days straight. He hoped she would still be here when he got back.

When he got back to the CBI one hour later all the lights were off indicating that Lisbon had probably gone home to get some sleep. He briefly entertained the thought of joining her home before dismissing the idea. She needed to relax and be alone. She deserved it after such an emotional few days.

Tomorrow he would talk to her. Tomorrow.

* * *

Lisbon entered the bullpen bright and early. The sleep had obviously done her good; the dark circles were gone, her cheeks were rosy and she wore a slight smile. She also had a spring in her step, which was even more surprising.

"Hey!" Her voice was cheery when she saw him lying on his couch.

She didn't wait for his reply before heading into her office. Bemused, Jane immediately joined her and watched as she hanged her jacket and booted her computer. He gently closed the door.

"Hello darling," he answered with a slight drawl. "Someone obviously had a good night."

Lisbon smiled widely, "Fantastic! Eight hours of uninterrupted sleep can do wonders to the body and soul." She raised her eyebrows at the word 'uninterrupted', clearly bringing her meaning across.

"Hmm, if I remember correctly I don't recall you complaining about the methods used to keep you awake."

She comes to stand before her desk and leans against it. "I don't remember having any choices in the matter."

She's pouting but her eyes are twinkling and he only wants to kiss her. He quickly checks if anyone can see them but it's only 7 AM and, for the moment, they're the only ones present on this floor. So he slowly advances on her before tangling one hand in her hair and using the other on her lower back to push her body against his. It's the perfect position to plunder her mouth without restraint. She only moans and melts into his embrace, seeming to have waited for this moment since yesterday morning. She's slowly rubbing her tongue against his lips and teeth before he grants her access to the warm wet cavern that is his mouth. She tastes of coffee and Lisbon and it's all he can do to not push her onto her desk and take her. He hugs her close to him before lifting her up so that she can sit on her desk. A few reports fall onto the ground but they don't notice, too lost in each other. She cradles him between her tights and her hands start to draw patterns onto his back. His mouth slowly leaves her lips so he can trail hot, moist kisses down her neck until he feels her pulse point and starts to suck and nip at it. Lisbon bucks her hips into his and she can feel his growing arousal against her core. It's enough to bring her back to reality. Jane feels her tense and pulls back to see why she's suddenly so still. He tries to find her eyes but finds them closed, trying to regain her composure. She's gripping his shoulders and he's still hugging her body to his. They're both panting, trying to catch their breaths. She gets off her desk and he's obligated to stand back to give her room. Lisbon slips from between his arms to walk behind her desk. It's obvious she's trying to put distance between them and while he doesn't agree he understands why she feels the need to get away.

"I'm sorry Jane but not here," her voice is hoarse and she has to clear her throat before continuing, "this really isn't the place or time."

"Yes, okay. You're right," he sounds sincere even though she's sure he's doesn't completely agree with her.

Jane shifts awkwardly, trying to relieve the pressure in his pants. She can see he's uncomfortable and she can't help herself as she smirks. "Though I can't say I'm sorry about _that_."

He lightly glares at her mockery but doesn't say anything; instead his eyes get that serious glint that always worries her. Unconsciously she straightens her back, bracing for what he's going to say.

"What's with the change of attitude? Yesterday you could barely look at me and now you're allowing me to kiss you in your office?" Jane asks, his expression showing his genuine confusion.

"I had time to think about us since yesterday morning," her eyes flicks down to her desk, unwilling to reveal more.

"And?" he prods.

"And nothing, I decided to not think about it anymore, just go with the flow," her green eyes are honest, her stance sure.

"I can say I'm honestly surprised. Since yesterday I was sure you would have found a thousand reasons to stop this," she can see he doesn't understand her decision, bothered that he misread her.

"Trust me, I did find a thousand reasons but then I decided to stop worrying and just see where this is going," she bents down to gather the files that have fallen earlier and misses his worried expression.

"Okay," it sounds more like a question than an affirmation.

She glanced at him, "You don't seem happy."

"I am but, don't get me wrong here, this isn't like you."

"Look Jane," she sighs, "I decided only time would tell if we can work. So why not enjoy the time we have together and hope for the best? God knows something will happen sooner rather than later."

The last phrase was said with a note of complacence he didn't like but couldn't blame her for. He damn well knew this couldn't end well. Trying to move on with her didn't mean he had forgotten about his future plans, he was a realist after all. Maybe she was right and they should just enjoy the time they had before all hell broke loose. He knew he was incredibly selfish to get close to Lisbon but he couldn't help himself. She was so intoxicating and, like he told her before, he couldn't let go of her. It may mean pain and heartache for them both later on but he figured she was wise enough to know what she was getting into. After all Lisbon was everything but stupid. He knew she would do everything to protect her heart and if that meant she had to leave him when it got too hard she would. That last thought comforted him somewhat.

"Yes, you're right. I suppose you do have some rules regarding, how do we say that again, public display of affection?"

"Glad you approve," she gave him a slight smile, "and I do have some rules. No kissing, touching, looks, mentions of us when we're working. Even during out-of-town cases. I don't want anyone to know or suspect a thing," she glared, "I mean it Jane."

"I can't say I agree but I guess I understand. I do have one request in exchange," his smirk made her fear the worst.

"Shoot," her slight quiver told of her nervousness.

"Every other moment I get the right to show you just how crazy you make me. No complaining allowed," he gave her a big smile when he saw her frown.

'Yes,' she thought to herself, 'he was a sneaky little bastard.'

"Fine," she grumbled.

He smiled in triumph; his impromptu little plan had worked wondrously.

"Great!"

Before she could react he had already gotten around her desk and was hugging her to him.

"Thank you precious," he whispered in her hair.

He let her go and gave her a long peck on the lips before sweeping out of her office, smug look firmly in place.

Her lips still tingled when she yelled a "Jane!" through her open door. Her only response was a laugh. She smiled; it really was impossible for him to listen to her. Then she groaned, what had she gotten herself into?

* * *

They didn't get to close the case that day but did meet at her apartment that night. Even though they weren't getting anywhere with the case she was still happy because Jane had acted like always. Nothing had been out of the ordinary. It was a good start.

That night they made it as far as her couch, both in a hurry to get rid of their clothes as soon as possible. Their passion was overwhelming and both only wanted to feel the other's skin on their own. It was fiery and mad and oh so good. Afterwards they ended up cuddling under her fleece blanket, too tired to get to her bedroom.

It was only when her skin was cooling that she remembered that, for the first time, they have forgotten to use a condom. Frantically her mind calculated and easily decided it was impossible for her to get pregnant now. She decided to get to the drugstore tomorrow to get the morning after pill. It wasn't very glamorous but she wasn't ready to have a baby and she wasn't sure if a baby with Jane was the wisest idea. She was almost certain he never wanted children again, even though he always got on great with them the few times they handled cases involving children. She also decided to call her gynecologist tomorrow so she could make an appointment. If their recent activities were anything to go by it seemed her future would be filled with more sex than once every two weeks. That meant she really needed to get on the pill. Better to be safe than sorry. She didn't know if she should talk to Jane about it. While her womanhood wasn't something she was ashamed of she didn't want to make him uncomfortable. She knew how men got when women started talking about subjects like that; their awkwardness was always off-putting and annoying. So, unless Jane mentioned something she would take care of it herself.

After a while they relocated to her bed. It was more relaxing and easier for sleep. She started thinking about her decision again, she wasn't that sure it had been the right one to make but she figured they could try. Only then would she know for sure if they really could last. She really liked him even though he annoyed her a great deal and was almost impossible to manage. They got on great, both at work and at 'home'. She giggled; they also got along great in bed.

"What are you laughing about Miss Lisbon?" came Jane's sleepy voice.

"About how insatiable we are Mister Jane."

"Can you blame me with such an enchanting creature as yourself?" his eyes opened to relish in her reaction. He wasn't disappointed.

Lisbon blushed, "Oh hush you, you smooth talker."

He brushed her hair from her face and laughed, "You really cannot accept a compliment can you?"

She mumbled something unintelligible before burying her head in his neck. He smiled, pleased with himself.

"Go to sleep darling, you deserve it."

She rolled over to switch off her bedside lamp before, once again, molding her body to his. She whispered a 'sleep well' as his heartbeat gently lulled her to sleep.

Her last thoughts were about what had happened today and how she didn't regret it. She made a choice. The one to be there for him. To believe in him. She can't back down now.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** The Mentalist show and characters are the property of Bruno Heller, Primrose Hill Productions, Warner Bros. Television, CBS,…

**Author's Note:** Guys, this is it! I have a feeling that I can't go much further with this story otherwise I feel I'll start going around in circles. Maybe I'll write a sequel about their relationship later in the series but this isn't in the works right now.  
In the meantime I can concentrate on all the other plots swirling around my brain.

This has been such an amazing ride and you people encouraged me so much and I don't know how to ever repay all of you. For the last time thank you too all my awesome reviewers and all those who put this story on alert or favorites. I will forever be grateful.

I really hope this will meet your expectations although I fear some will be angry and disappointed. I apologize in advance.

Enjoy.

* * *

_when i am with you_  
_there's no reason to pretend_  
_that when i am with you i feel flames again_  
_just put me inside you_  
_i would never ever leave_  
_just put me inside you_  
_i would never ever leave you_

_

* * *

_

What had she said again? Something bad would happen sooner rather than later? In her opinion sooner had come way too soon.

* * *

Until now she could honestly say the past few months had been great. Not awesome or fantastic or heavenly or any of those other silly adjectives but great. She had no problem to admit that Jane and her 'relationship' was more about companionship and sex than love and romance. Not that she minded; she hadn't been ready for a real relationship, much less one with a broken man like Jane.

While Lisbon could admit that spending time with Jane was fun and nice she could also say that he was exhausting and difficult to live with. She could understand he had good and bad moments but if his actions were anything to go by, his bad moments outweighed his good ones. She quickly stopped counting how many nights she woke up to find her bed empty and cold, sign that he had left her in the middle of the night. After those nights she would always find him at the office in the morning and a muffin on her desk, like during the earlier days of their tryst.

Sometimes she didn't see him outside of work for days at a time. She understood and tried to be there for him but she never stopped herself to ask him where he had been or what he was up to. Jane never answered, instead he used deflection like the master he was and always would be. Most of the time she let him get away with it because she was too tired to argue with him. Other times they fought but it never lasted long before one of them lost control and they ended up having sex were they where. Afterwards they pretended nothing had happened but that didn't mean she forgot about it. It was always there, at the back of her mind.

So yes, having something resembling a relationship with Patrick Jane wasn't a walk in the park but she had known what she was getting into before she agreed to try. Trying as hard as she could because, apparently, Jane not wanting to let her go and really trying to move on were two very separate things.

* * *

She got her first taste of deception when Jane explained to her how he was going to find Red John and cut him into little pieces for what he had done to his wife and child. That day she understood that while he may call her precious, what he felt for her was nothing compared to the love he still felt for his long lost family. She couldn't fault him for that but it was hard to live with. In her life 'going with the flow' meant 'going with Patrick's moods'. It was a constant battle to know what he was really feeling and half of the time she felt she didn't know and that frustrated her far more than all the other crap he put her through. Jane may share his body and most of his time with her but it sure as hell didn't meant he was sharing his soul or inner feelings.

He wasn't shy in telling her how he felt about _her_ but talking about _himself_ was so off-limits she could go to the moon and back and it still wouldn't be far enough. She figured it would always be that way and she started thinking if she really could live like that for much longer. Lisbon knew she was strong and tough but how strong did she need to be to constantly support someone like Jane? She knew she could handle it most of the time when they were working but that left her so tired that she almost had no energy when she got home. Even though he tried to always be there for her and did things to make her life easier like cooking or cleaning or just holding her when she needed it the most. It was a nice feeling to be taken care of but was it enough? Was it enough to make her really happy? Was it enough for the rest of her life? Was it enough to keep her promise? She wasn't sure. She didn't think so.

* * *

Red John unhinged Jane. It was a fact she had gleaned during the very first time she worked a Red John case with Jane. He became a completely different person, someone she wasn't even sure she liked. It was like his evil alter ego came out to play when Red John was involved. The way his eyes would get that crazy look and how he forgot everything else around him made her want to slap him until he was back to what she was used to; annoying, charming, childlike and caring Jane.

This case was the straw that broke the camel's back. She didn't understand how he could just leave them like that, like no one but Red John mattered to him. Like they were only pawns on this big chess game he and the serial killer were playing. She tried to hide it but it made her furious that he could threat them like that. How could that monster mean more to him than the team, than her?

She wasn't a jealous person per se but she thought she deserved a minimum of respect. That meant he had no right to do what he did. Making her feel used and dirty, like she was just someone he was agreeably passing the time with. Like he lied to her when he told her how precious she was to him, how he couldn't let her go, how he cared and she meant something to him. He was a lying son of a bitch that only wanted to get into her bed. But then why had he been so adamant they start something more? Why had he been so insistent? Maybe because he thought it was what she wanted? Maybe he pitied her and decided this way was the only way to pay her back? Like she was some cheap whore he needed to take care of? He didn't have the right to make her feel like that, not after everything she did for him.

She knew she wasn't thinking rationally but she was so mad she didn't care. He better damn well explain himself to her later tonight or, God help her, she was going to commit a crime.

* * *

When they found Renfrew in Tijuana she couldn't help but feel sorry for Jane. She may be angry but that didn't mean he deserved what was happening to him. She tried to console him by telling him they would catch him next time but she was pretty sure nothing could make him feel better right now.

The long drive back to Sacramento was as silent as the drive to Tijuana. She just didn't know what to say and he was obviously unwilling to talk. So they both listened to music and kept silent until she parked the SUV in the CBI's parking lot.

She stood awkwardly beside the car, not knowing what to say or do. Should she invite him back to her place, even though he didn't deserve it, or let him sleep here? Lisbon absolutely didn't know what to do and it made her nervous. She was also exhausted and all she wanted was to go home and get some sleep. After spending the whole night talking with the police over there to find out if they had anything and then driving all the way back she was in dear need of her bed. Lisbon was still mulling it over when Jane started talking.

"Thank you for going with me Lisbon," his expression was genuine but there was darkness in his eyes she didn't like.

"You're welcome. Do you…" she pointed to her car, unable to complete her question. She hoped he said yes and she hoped he said no. Her mind was so complicated. She sighed.

"No. I need to be alone right now," he shrugged.

"Okay," she nodded once, "see you around?"

"Tomorrow," he waves at her before marching towards the building.

"Patrick!" she doesn't know why she suddenly cries out his given name.

He stops abruptly before looking at her, surprised. Neither is used to her addressing him by his given name.

Lisbon doesn't care; she just needs to know if they're okay. So she simply asks him.

"Are we okay?" she fears the answer and she can almost hear her heart break when he answered.

"No," he shook his head, desolate; hunched shoulders and dead eyes. Without looking back he gets inside the CBI and leaves her looking heartbroken and lonely; her anger gone, leaving only sadness behind.

And just like that; it was over.

* * *

Around midnight Lisbon could be found in a nice little bar not far from work.  
That night, for the first time in a year, Patrick Jane wasn't the man she brought to the nearest motel room.

_

* * *

_

FIN


End file.
